Untitled

Knight school

Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:59:38 -0400

Meathead Hurricane

Titus andronicus

Sun, 19 Sep 2010 15:32:20 -0400

You ain’t never been no virgin, kid, you were fucked from the start

Blackberry Pickers

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 12:04:45 -0400

Blackberry Pickers we don’t want you here. You come out of your houses donning Fila fleeces and carrying smart price ice cream containers (ice cream emptied of course you greedy shits) and you pilfer our path lining bushes. Sometimes walking home from college I like to get my fingers purple and my taste buds exited, but that’s not an option for me because every shrub has been pillaged by greedy early 30 somethings. WHY TAKE SO MANY?!?!?? WHY FILL UP A WHOLE ICE CREAM BOX AND/OR TUPPERWARE CONTAINER?!?! FILL YOUR TIME WITH BUYING YOUR UGLY KIDS THINGS FROM THE EARLY LEARNING CENTRE, BUT KEEP OFF THE BUSHES. This isn’t a pick your own farm.

Winchester Festival of power tools.

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 11:09:22 -0400

Winchester Festival of power tools.

Unknown

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 11:08:19 -0400

Wilton sperro and the cats.

Unknown

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 11:07:47 -0400

so53 4Lu

"Its good in here craig, its better than your wildest dreams."

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 07:22:33 -0400

““Its good in here craig, its better than your wildest dreams.””

bassetavenuebusstop

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 07:21:35 -0400

Garbled words from a man with one crutch. After the conversation had taken us to the point where we had established that i wasn’t gay and that he would be willing to hang his own brother he then dealt me an epic soliloquy containing very few words which I could make any sense of before he finaly ended with ‘…eun. You’ll never get married and you won’t go to prison. And thats life boss. Thats life.’ He then went on his merry was shouting profanities at passing cycleists. I wish i’d understood him better, he would have definatly changed my life.

"Kiss me where the sun don’t shine, the past was yours but the future’s mine...."

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:33:38 -0400

““Kiss me where the sun don’t shine, the past was yours but the future’s mine. You’re all out of time””

'HELP!' an email to an aquaintance

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 14:46:12 -0400

Harriet, i contact you because you have gained somewhat of a reputation for being an IT wizz. On my new lap top computer i find myself constantly zooming in simply through some clumsy finger movements on the mouse pad. I didn’t massively care the first time it happened but now it has become rather uncooth, it has reached the point where it appears that my lap top is rented out by a dim sited Cataract riddled korean war veteran. This morning i logged onto the internet only to be scared wittless by the biggest ‘Avatar yourself’ advert i have ever layed eyes upon.

Please tell me:
-How am i zooooming so much.
-How do i fix this.

Ive never had a mouse pad before and after this i hope never to have one again. I hope to purchase a second hand mouse. A proper mouse, not a mouse pad and not one of those stationary ones with a wierd red ball on it for navigation purposes, what the fuck are they?!

Scootermorningwinchesterhighstreet.

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 14:44:00 -0400

A boy just scooted past me(on a scooter) donning school jumper, smart shorts, and clumpy black shoes with a book bag cluthed in hand. That was fairly standard. What was wierd was that close in tail was a fully grown man also taking full advantage of a school themed outfit coupled with the supior mobillity of a micro scooter and the book carrying cababillities of a reading wallet.

Po-tate-oes

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 17:28:39 -0400

I hate the mass of potatoes at the bottom of the cupboard (or like pantry or summat). Just piles of fleshy faces coated in a thin layer of earth, with those green or white growths piercing out the skin from the inside. Sprouting through like disgusting boils on the dirt man’s face. And now they’re in my toilet on the shelf. And I can see it from the shower. When I’m more or less naked and being rained on. And it’s fucking weird!

Avin a brew before college: Observation.

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 13:28:00 -0400

Why do you wear such long jeans?!?!? Are your legs that long? NO! It’s so obvious, it’s so simple that it’s not even rule of thumb, there is no need for it to be law of thumb. DONT WEAR JEANS LONGER THAN YOUR LEGS!

Dream Prompts

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 16:15:00 -0400

A while ago i had an increddible dream. When i awoke from it in the middle of the night i decided i would have to tell my pal Dan about what had happened in the dream. I suspected that I didnt have a prayer when it came to keeping it in my head till morning time; and so i decided to note down some key phrases to promt my memory. This much i do remember.

Come morning i glanced at these phrases. All i saw was ‘Teenage slut dealer’ and ‘the echoee monkey game’ and its safe to say i haven’t a fucking clue what happened in that dream.

Onions

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:50:00 -0400

Hand in a CV at ‘toys R us’. You have completed Phase one. Now you must pester the staff, the best way to do this is to pick out the most perfect toy in the joint, the toy that all the Mecharno fanatics that work there secretly wish had been born out of their girlfriends instead of their own stuck up kids(many toys R us worker’s children, or ‘wipperclaapers’ go to top of the range public schools such as Bretnings. This is because Toys R us workers make masses on their commision based pay which is of course is on top of their sizeable government funding).

But yeah Pick out their best toy. STEAL IT. Cut off its arms and legs, unless of course it is a toy train (in which case cut off its tentacles). Break into the store managers house and leave the ‘demorphed’ toy in their childrens bed. This will pester them to the max and they will certainly give you the job.

Now you have a safe and secure job. Save your wages untill you earn 19 ruppee. This will take many weeks as Toys R’us workers do not earn much. As you know 19 ruppee is the standard price of kebbab and chips in this country. BUY ONE.

Once you have a kebbab nestled in your food pouch take it down to your local farmers market, here you must allow the vile breed of man known as country folk (or is it ‘fulk’ when its the singular?) and let him wriggle his happy hands within your pouch. He will have never seen kebabs before but when he recovers from the shock of seeing cooked meat he will most likely offer you a trade.

With any luck he will offer you a bag of onions in exchange for this meat treat. Take him up on his offer.

Now you have your bag of onions you may take it to marlands where you may exchange it for goods or services. NOW YOU KNOW YOUR ONIONS.

"‘Reaper wins Indie 500. Reaper:”i didn’t know i could run that fast"

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:28:16 -0400

“‘Reaper wins Indie 500. Reaper:”i didn’t know i could run that fast””

Telling off your child.

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:26:00 -0400

You’re living on cloud fucking nine greg you need to wake up! Turn on your radio, listen to a song by king crimson, try and watch an HD channel on a regular TV, take a drive round some of the rougher parts of Clive Owen, pluck the buttons out of your mobile phone and press them neatly in your margerine then see how you feel.

Something mental that occoured to me in a dream.

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:23:00 -0400

I might start selling my feet and fingers. When a sheep gets its fur sheered it must get cold. If it had my feet to run around with this would keep it warm. (the fingers are not needed in this escapade)