A boy just scooted past me(on a scooter) donning school jumper, smart shorts, and clumpy black shoes with a book bag cluthed in hand. That was fairly standard. What was wierd was that close in tail was a fully grown man also taking full advantage of a school themed outfit coupled with the supior mobillity of a micro scooter and the book carrying cababillities of a reading wallet.
I hate the mass of potatoes at the bottom of the cupboard (or like pantry or summat). Just piles of fleshy faces coated in a thin layer of earth, with those green or white growths piercing out the skin from the inside. Sprouting through like disgusting boils on the dirt man’s face. And now they’re in my toilet on the shelf. And I can see it from the shower. When I’m more or less naked and being rained on. And it’s fucking weird!
Why do you wear such long jeans?!?!? Are your legs that long? NO! It’s so obvious, it’s so simple that it’s not even rule of thumb, there is no need for it to be law of thumb. DONT WEAR JEANS LONGER THAN YOUR LEGS!
A while ago i had an increddible dream. When i awoke from it in the middle of the night i decided i would have to tell my pal Dan about what had happened in the dream. I suspected that I didnt have a prayer when it came to keeping it in my head till morning time; and so i decided to note down some key phrases to promt my memory. This much i do remember.
Come morning i glanced at these phrases. All i saw was ‘Teenage slut dealer’ and ‘the echoee monkey game’ and its safe to say i haven’t a fucking clue what happened in that dream.
Hand in a CV at ‘toys R us’. You have completed Phase one. Now you must pester the staff, the best way to do this is to pick out the most perfect toy in the joint, the toy that all the Mecharno fanatics that work there secretly wish had been born out of their girlfriends instead of their own stuck up kids(many toys R us worker’s children, or ‘wipperclaapers’ go to top of the range public schools such as Bretnings. This is because Toys R us workers make masses on their commision based pay which is of course is on top of their sizeable government funding).
But yeah Pick out their best toy. STEAL IT. Cut off its arms and legs, unless of course it is a toy train (in which case cut off its tentacles). Break into the store managers house and leave the ‘demorphed’ toy in their childrens bed. This will pester them to the max and they will certainly give you the job.
Now you have a safe and secure job. Save your wages untill you earn 19 ruppee. This will take many weeks as Toys R’us workers do not earn much. As you know 19 ruppee is the standard price of kebbab and chips in this country. BUY ONE.
Once you have a kebbab nestled in your food pouch take it down to your local farmers market, here you must allow the vile breed of man known as country folk (or is it ‘fulk’ when its the singular?) and let him wriggle his happy hands within your pouch. He will have never seen kebabs before but when he recovers from the shock of seeing cooked meat he will most likely offer you a trade.
With any luck he will offer you a bag of onions in exchange for this meat treat. Take him up on his offer.
Now you have your bag of onions you may take it to marlands where you may exchange it for goods or services. NOW YOU KNOW YOUR ONIONS.
You’re living on cloud fucking nine greg you need to wake up! Turn on your radio, listen to a song by king crimson, try and watch an HD channel on a regular TV, take a drive round some of the rougher parts of Clive Owen, pluck the buttons out of your mobile phone and press them neatly in your margerine then see how you feel.
