You ain’t never been no virgin, kid, you were fucked from the start
Blackberry Pickers we don’t want you here. You come out of your houses donning Fila fleeces and carrying smart price ice cream containers (ice cream emptied of course you greedy shits) and you pilfer our path lining bushes. Sometimes walking home from college I like to get my fingers purple and my taste buds exited, but that’s not an option for me because every shrub has...
Winchester Festival of power tools.
Wilton sperro and the cats.
Its good in here craig, its better than your wildest dreams.
Garbled words from a man with one crutch. After the conversation had taken us to the point where we had established that i wasn’t gay and that he would be willing to hang his own brother he then dealt me an epic soliloquy containing very few words which I could make any sense of before he finaly ended with ‘…eun. You’ll never get married and you won’t go to prison....
Kiss me where the sun don’t shine, the past was yours but the...
'HELP!' an email to an aquaintance
Harriet, i contact you because you have gained somewhat of a reputation for being an IT wizz. On my new lap top computer i find myself constantly zooming in simply through some clumsy finger movements on the mouse pad. I didn’t massively care the first time it happened but now it has become rather uncooth, it has reached the point where it appears that my lap top is rented out by a dim...
A boy just scooted past me(on a scooter) donning school jumper, smart shorts, and clumpy black shoes with a book bag cluthed in hand. That was fairly standard. What was wierd was that close in tail was a fully grown man also taking full advantage of a school themed outfit coupled with the supior mobillity of a micro scooter and the book carrying cababillities of a reading wallet.
I hate the mass of potatoes at the bottom of the cupboard (or like pantry or summat). Just piles of fleshy faces coated in a thin layer of earth, with those green or white growths piercing out the skin from the inside. Sprouting through like disgusting boils on the dirt man’s face. And now they’re in my toilet on the shelf. And I can see it from the shower. When I’m more or less...
Avin a brew before college: Observation.
Why do you wear such long jeans?!?!? Are your legs that long? NO! It’s so obvious, it’s so simple that it’s not even rule of thumb, there is no need for it to be law of thumb. DONT WEAR JEANS LONGER THAN YOUR LEGS!
A while ago i had an increddible dream. When i awoke from it in the middle of the night i decided i would have to tell my pal Dan about what had happened in the dream. I suspected that I didnt have a prayer when it came to keeping it in my head till morning time; and so i decided to note down some key phrases to promt my memory. This much i do remember. Come morning i glanced at these phrases. All...
Hand in a CV at ‘toys R us’. You have completed Phase one. Now you must pester the staff, the best way to do this is to pick out the most perfect toy in the joint, the toy that all the Mecharno fanatics that work there secretly wish had been born out of their girlfriends instead of their own stuck up kids(many toys R us worker’s children, or ‘wipperclaapers’ go to top...
‘Reaper wins Indie 500. Reaper:”i didn’t know i could run that...
Telling off your child.
You’re living on cloud fucking nine greg you need to wake up! Turn on your radio, listen to a song by king crimson, try and watch an HD channel on a regular TV, take a drive round some of the rougher parts of Clive Owen, pluck the buttons out of your mobile phone and press them neatly in your margerine then see how you feel.
Something mental that occoured to me in a dream.
I might start selling my feet and fingers. When a sheep gets its fur sheered it must get cold. If it had my feet to run around with this would keep it warm. (the fingers are not needed in this escapade)