Blackberry Pickers we don’t want you here. You come out of your houses donning Fila fleeces and carrying smart price ice cream containers (ice cream emptied of course you greedy shits) and you pilfer our path lining bushes. Sometimes walking home from college I like to get my fingers purple and my taste buds exited, but that’s not an option for me because every shrub has been pillaged by greedy early 30 somethings. WHY TAKE SO MANY?!?!?? WHY FILL UP A WHOLE ICE CREAM BOX AND/OR TUPPERWARE CONTAINER?!?! FILL YOUR TIME WITH BUYING YOUR UGLY KIDS THINGS FROM THE EARLY LEARNING CENTRE, BUT KEEP OFF THE BUSHES. This isn’t a pick your own farm.
Garbled words from a man with one crutch. After the conversation had taken us to the point where we had established that i wasn’t gay and that he would be willing to hang his own brother he then dealt me an epic soliloquy containing very few words which I could make any sense of before he finaly ended with ‘…eun. You’ll never get married and you won’t go to prison. And thats life boss. Thats life.’ He then went on his merry was shouting profanities at passing cycleists. I wish i’d understood him better, he would have definatly changed my life.
Harriet, i contact you because you have gained somewhat of a reputation for being an IT wizz. On my new lap top computer i find myself constantly zooming in simply through some clumsy finger movements on the mouse pad. I didn’t massively care the first time it happened but now it has become rather uncooth, it has reached the point where it appears that my lap top is rented out by a dim sited Cataract riddled korean war veteran. This morning i logged onto the internet only to be scared wittless by the biggest ‘Avatar yourself’ advert i have ever layed eyes upon.
Please tell me:
-How am i zooooming so much.
-How do i fix this.
Ive never had a mouse pad before and after this i hope never to have one again. I hope to purchase a second hand mouse. A proper mouse, not a mouse pad and not one of those stationary ones with a wierd red ball on it for navigation purposes, what the fuck are they?!